What to say when your kids won’t Share Part 2

It was a moment. I felt transformed. I went from clueless, to feeling like I had conquered my child’s selfishness. But it lasted only a few moments, and everything changed. His heart had found a new way to rule his world and the new challenge was on the cards. What to say when your kids won’t share – watch how I was able to win his heart and lose it all in but a few days.

Watch how I conquered his heart

“Boys, you can have one more programme today. It’s Hunter’s chance”

Enter Finn’s heart. A howl. A long-winded sentence I can’t make head and tail of because all I can hear is a fog-horn.

Enter Hunter. Add to our mix, stamping, punching of pillows, vehement barks, sorry declarations of what is rightfully his.

Enter mom, the negotiator.

“But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

MARK 10:31

when your kids won't shareThis was the verse that came to mind. If you were a bunch of women, we could thrash this verse out and try apply it to our TV watching. But, you are 5 and 3. Appeal to their hearts. Appeal to their desire to be great for God.

I gave it a go anyway.

“You know boys, in Jesus’s kingdom those who put other people first are winners, and those who put themselves first are losers. Who would like to be a winner? Hunter would you put Finn first and let him watch his programme? Or Finn will you put Hunter first and let him watch his programme? Who wants to win today?”

The adamant refusal lasted about 15 minutes. I was ready to resort back to my hold hacks.

And then Hunter abdicated his throne and put Finn above himself. We praised and applauded him for choosing to win.

Enter Finn’s heart. A howl. A long-winded sentence I can’t make head and tail of because all I can hear is a fog-horn.

“I also want to be a winner”

Enter Hunter. “You can Finn, you can also be a winner”

Enter mom, the reality check.

“I know that’s hard my boy. But you made a choice, and you chose yourself, which means in that moment you lost. There are lots of ways we can put others first and win in God’s kingdom”

Honestly, it came out of nowhere. I believed first, that trying to use a verse of that magnitude would go right over them, but it hit home.

To this day, my boys often bring it up themselves. Even just tonight, Finn said “Mom, you always tickle my head first. You can tickle Hunters head first. I am a winner. I put Hunter first.”

It had crept into their hearts. Winning at parenting. Or not?

And lost his heart all in a few days

It seemed like magic (or the power of God’s word). You know that feeling when you catch a win you convince yourself you can do this (enter my own heart’s belief that I am the winner, not the Spirit).what to say when your kids won't share

And then I got to eat humble pie.

Enter scenario, my kids won’t share.

I whip out “my” new found words. Faced with an opportunity to win the moment, Finn blatantly said: “I want to be a loser”

I could hear the losing gong that bellows at the end of the video game.

Had I failed? Was the word of God powerless? Am I back to square one?

It instantly felt like “I” had lost. But my idea of failure wasn’t in Finn’s choice, my failure was my wrong belief about the word of God and again, the human heart. How do we change?

When we realise that parenting is a process not an event

Parenting is a persistent moving forward and backwards. We take one step forward, and then two steps back. What to remember when your kids won’t share?

 “Parenting is a process, and not an event”


We don’t hold a long view of parenting. We are short-sighted in the fight.

In the game of darts, we are most concerned about how quickly we can hit a bull’s eye, than the most meticulous strategy. We are flustered by their refusal to back down.

I can see myself now, faced with a dart board of mine, mine, mine. I move at pace, throwing in moral high ground, quick no, grab a pleasure point. Ah shucks, reach for their self-worth.

I know I need to slow down.

I need to remember when my kids won’t share that it’s about the process, not the event.

Was the first appeal to his desire to win in God’s kingdom lost completely? No, to this day my boys at times, amazingly of their own accord, decide to put their sibling first and even use the new language of winning.  They are capable of choosing who they want to be and have some great moments. But they are also capable for choosing self and have weaker moments.

Parenting them for change is a process not a once off event.

Don’t lose heart.


By | 2018-09-30T20:37:08+02:00 September 30th, 2018|Play|0 Comments

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